My parents learned early on that if they were taking us kids to Goodrich or Baskin Robbins, they had to make me choose what I wanted before we arrived. I even got the threat, "If you haven't decided by the time we get there, you'll eat what we pick out," which wasn't really much of a threat considering I wasn't a picky kid. Actually, that's my problem with food decisions. Everything just sounds SO GOOD! Sometimes I ate what they picked out just because I couldn't bring myself to decide. The pressure was just too much!
Sweetie has found a helpful trick around this that works most of the time. If I can narrow it down to at least two or so choices, she will tell me to pick a number or a color. Like, "Red or Blue". Then I pick "Red" and she tells me what that color was assigned to. Sometimes, I'll realize what I really want during the process of picking a color. I'll think, "Oh, I hope "Red" is for the orange cream shake because that sounds really good all of a sudden." At which point I usually say, "Never mind, I chose what I wanted."
For those of you readers who don't know me, consider those scenarios as a little enlightenment.
This leads me to share a particularly extreme example of my indecisiveness that happened recently, along with a little insight as to what processes my brain goes through in those moments.
I'm at that particular time of the month when impulse control is low, patience is minimal, and indecisiveness is at an all-time high. This excellent (not really) emotional combo attacks exactly 2 days every month. Last night, unfortunately, Sweetie got the full brunt of it and I think she might believe me to have multiple personalities.
I was on my way home from a physically exhausting 2hrs of labor at the Harvester's Food Bank Warehouse and wanted a hot fudge sundae from Sonic. I thought I'd be nice and offer to pick up Sweetie on the way over so I called. She warned me she'd just learned that she would need some cash the next day for lunch but offered to get me a carton from the grocery store with our leftover grocery money. I agreed. We went to the grocery store and I couldn't for the life of me decide what flavor I wanted.
I take that back, I knew I wanted chocolate. But plain chocolate wasn't enough. I wanted chocolate with chocolate bits of stuff and chocolate coated stuff and chocolate ribbons of stuff. But then when I found that flavor, it still didn't jump at my brain as "YES!". So then I got irritated. I thought I knew what I wanted but I apparently really had no clue.
Some internal/external dialogue starts in at this point:
Brain: You probably just wanted to spend money. I mean really, how chocolaty is a hot fudge sundae anyway? You were all set to get two dinky little sundaes from a fast food place and spend $4 but you're balking at a $3 half-gallon of some supremely chocolaty concoction at the store?
Me: Grrrr
Sweetie: What's wrong? Get whatever you want! Look, there's a chocolate chip one over here. There's a chocolate and marshmallow. There's a rocky road. You like rocky road!
Me: Forget it. I think the impulse is gone. At this point, I'll just get the ice cream home and stick it in the freezer. I still have to shower and I'm tired. I want it now. I don't want to have to fix a dish of it once I get home.
Sweetie: We could stop at Baskin Robbins or Sonic on the way home.
After a couple more rubber band decisions, I agreed and we headed for the checkout. While standing there, I grabbed a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup and a stick of Starbursts for us to share. On the way to the car, Sweetie asked if I knew what I was getting. I gave her my exasperated questioning look.
Sweetie: You wanted to go to Baskin Robbins right? Chocolate something? Or do you want Sonic now? Isn't that what you wanted in the first place? Or was the candy enough?
Me: Grrrr. Yes, I wanted Sonic when I was passing it in my car and I thought I'd just swing through and have an instantly gratifying chocolate fix. Now it's not instant and I'm irritated and I can't make a decision about anything. And no, the candy isn't enough. I still want ice cream. I don't know what I'd get at Baskin Robbins. Sonic doesn't appeal to me anymore. Maybe we should just go to Dairy Queen, there are less options there.
Sweetie: Yes, but they're more expensive.
Me: True. And I don't have any coupons.
Brain: Just pull out of the parking space. You have to turn left for Sonic or Dairy Queen. Baskin Robbins is in the lot. If you get the street and still haven't decided, then just go home.
*it's like my inner mom was giving an ultimatum to my cranky inner child*
I got to the street and turned to go home.
Sweetie: Where are we going now?!
Me: I couldn't decide so I'm just going home. If I can't make up my mind, then I must not want it as bad as I thought I did.
On our way home though, we passed an Apple Market (small grocery store) and I swung in. I instantly knew what I wanted.
Bing Cherries.
I saw them on sale here a few days ago. No wonder I couldn't choose the ice cream! It wasn't chocolate at all that I wanted, it was fruit! At this point, Sweetie's patience was being tried as well. I warned her that it was very likely that I'd walk in there and not end up getting anything. She said she was fine with that.
Of course, the Bing Cherries were not on sale anymore. Weekly specials end on Wednesday and this was Thursday. And of course, since my inner child has already been throwing a rip roaring hissy fit for the last half hour, I certainly didn't still want the cherries! Then I spotted the kiwi. Oh! Kiwi! I fondled about three quarters of the pile before giving up on finding any ripe ones that I could eat immediately. They'd all need to sit in a bag for at least one day. Sweetie tried her best to help, bless her heart.
Sweetie: They have plums on sale. They have apricots. Let's go see if they have ice cream on sale.
Me: I think I want cake. But not cake cake. Not zingers or cupcakes. I don't know, I want the taste of cake but not the texture. It doesn't make sense!
Sweetie was clearly nearing her own (much higher) patience threshold so as I veered to wander the cookie isle, she dropped back and picked up a magazine to look at and left me to figure it out alone.
Brain: Oh, generic oreos!
Oh, real oreos are on sale and only ten cents more than generic oreos!
Holy crap, when did oreos come out with so many kinds?! Berry, chocolate, vanilla/chocolate, mint, mocha... Oooooh Chewy Gooey Megafudge Chips Ahoy Fudge Filled soft cookies? Hmmmm. Yes - that's exactly what I want. And vanilla ice cream on top. THANK YOU for FINALLY figuring that OUT!!
There wasn't any vanilla left (I know, what?!) so I grabbed a cookies 'n cream and headed to pay. Sweetie saw my selection and claimed I'd completely lost my mind. I claimed I just needed some quiet time to myself to figure it out. I went home, put the cookies in a bowl and nuked them, then added a dollop of ice cream and enjoyed my treat. I felt better, thankfully, because at that point if I hadn't felt better I probably would have just cried myself to sleep out of pure irritation.
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| aka: PMS medication |
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