Friday, May 10, 2013


Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be great, awesome, naturally gifted at something. To be able to just do that thing without having to work at it to get there. A reality check reminds me that this isn't the case for most of the talent I witness on a daily basis. I completely understand and respect the amount of learning, practicing, failures and repeated attempts that come to most people before their talents are realized by others as greatness. Even then, that person tends to push themselves to be even better. They have a drive to consistently improve their skill.

When I assess myself honestly in regards to that drive - that passion - that is needed to be great at something; I see a lack of a very specific and necessary characteristic. I lack the drive to improve.

I'm sure I'm not the only person who has been posed the question: If you could do whatever you wanted, regardless of money or time, and be fully supported in your endeavors; what would you do?

I've never been able to answer that for myself. I don't have a passion that speaks so strongly, so loudly in my heart, that life would be just AWESOME as long as I was doing it. I wonder if my lack of passion stems from fear of failing or from not pushing through the frustration of failure along the way. Maybe I LOVE art. I collect art supplies, gather ideas, store sketch notes and project ideas with the intention that *someday* I will turn them into reality. Years ago I would write poems, short stories, and song melodies. Maybe I LOVE music. I hear songs on the radio and think, "I want to DO that!". I imagine myself on a stage playing a song for a crowd or laughing and having fun while entertaining friends. It's a very "rose colored glasses" scene (Something to note here: I generally don't like the focus on me. WHY I daydream of being the center of attention is beyond me but there it is.) There is a commonality within these two things; music and art both allow for the creation of something. Maybe I LOVE to create. I get lost in time when building programs, craft projects, posters, taking photos for a specific concept, or building something with my hands. Is that the thing I would do if I could be fully supported? I don't know. It's scary to say "this is the thing I LOVE" because what if I'm never good enough to measure up to my own standards of what that thing should be? Failure is scary.

I wonder about how many opportunities or experiences I've turned down or tuned out because I was afraid to fail. It's easy to assert that I will dare to push myself but quite another to remember to actually do it before the default ego says "no".

I don't really know where I'm going with this. It's nearly midnight and I'm tired and rambling. This started out as a status update on Facebook before I realized I was typing a paragraph and moved over here to hash it out instead. I don't have a solution. The obvious solution is to just do it. Just dare to fail and fail and fail until that moment arrives where I realize I'm not failing anymore and I enjoyed the failures of my passionate talents just as much as I enjoy the successes of my non-passionate talents.

The obvious isn't easy. The obvious is a frightening venture.

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