Greatness

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be great, awesome, naturally gifted at something. To be able to just do that thing without having to work at it to get there. A reality check reminds me that this isn't the case for most of the talent I witness on a daily basis. I completely understand and respect the amount of learning, practicing, failures and repeated attempts that come to most people before their talents are realized by others as greatness. Even then, that person tends to push themselves to be even better. They have a drive to consistently improve their skill.

When I assess myself honestly in regards to that drive - that passion - that is needed to be great at something; I see a lack of a very specific and necessary characteristic. I lack the drive to improve.

I'm sure I'm not the only person who has been posed the question: If you could do whatever you wanted, regardless of money or time, and be fully supported in your endeavors; what would you do?

I've never been able to answer that for myself. I don't have a passion that speaks so strongly, so loudly in my heart, that life would be just AWESOME as long as I was doing it. I wonder if my lack of passion stems from fear of failing or from not pushing through the frustration of failure along the way. Maybe I LOVE art. I collect art supplies, gather ideas, store sketch notes and project ideas with the intention that *someday* I will turn them into reality. Years ago I would write poems, short stories, and song melodies. Maybe I LOVE music. I hear songs on the radio and think, "I want to DO that!". I imagine myself on a stage playing a song for a crowd or laughing and having fun while entertaining friends. It's a very "rose colored glasses" scene (Something to note here: I generally don't like the focus on me. WHY I daydream of being the center of attention is beyond me but there it is.) There is a commonality within these two things; music and art both allow for the creation of something. Maybe I LOVE to create. I get lost in time when building programs, craft projects, posters, taking photos for a specific concept, or building something with my hands. Is that the thing I would do if I could be fully supported? I don't know. It's scary to say "this is the thing I LOVE" because what if I'm never good enough to measure up to my own standards of what that thing should be? Failure is scary.

I wonder about how many opportunities or experiences I've turned down or tuned out because I was afraid to fail. It's easy to assert that I will dare to push myself but quite another to remember to actually do it before the default ego says "no".

I don't really know where I'm going with this. It's nearly midnight and I'm tired and rambling. This started out as a status update on Facebook before I realized I was typing a paragraph and moved over here to hash it out instead. I don't have a solution. The obvious solution is to just do it. Just dare to fail and fail and fail until that moment arrives where I realize I'm not failing anymore and I enjoyed the failures of my passionate talents just as much as I enjoy the successes of my non-passionate talents.

The obvious isn't easy. The obvious is a frightening venture.

100 Push-Ups In 6 Weeks: Week 2 Exhaustion Test

Exhaustion Test after Week 2 of the "100 Push-ups in 6 weeks" program (using the free Android App because I'm cheap and it was out there).

15 push-ups. 

15 total. After I entered that number into the app, I received this message:

Bastards! But really, I did 15! I'm pretty damn proud of my improvement. 

I peeked at the next workout. I'm still technically "Week 2" but the reps are double what I did for the last workout. Eek!

100 Push-Ups In 6 Weeks: Week 2

Week 2 of the "100 Push-ups in 6 weeks" program (using the free Android App because I'm cheap and it was out there).

Day 1

5 sets with a 60-second rest in between:
5 push-ups
6 push-ups
4 push-ups
4 push-ups
6 push-ups (or more to max out - my max was 6)

Oompf. I'm torturing myself with the obsession of "perfect" form. Between Week 1 and Week 2, I discovered that my elbows should be bending toward my sides, not away from like I had been doing. I'm not sure what difference it make but it's obvious that I'm using different muscle groups and those muscles are not strong enough to do these push-ups! My hips were dipping, I was doing some sort of wave motion, and I was using all my focus to get that sixth one out.

Day 2

5 sets with a 90-second rest in between:
5 push-ups
6 push-ups
5 push-ups
4 push-ups
7 push-ups (or more to max out - my max was 7)

Back to elbows out. I did the first two of the first set trying to keep my elbows in and it's just not happening. My alternative was to start the program over (again) with the realistic baseline at the newly acquired form. I decided instead to go back to the elbows out form for the first 6 weeks, then start the program over for an additional 6 weeks to work on elbows in. I think the main difference is that I'm working biceps versus triceps. That's what it feels like anyway.

Day 3

5 sets with a 120-second rest in between:
6 push-ups
7 push-ups
5 push-ups
5 push-ups
7 push-ups (or more to max out - my max was 7)

In all honesty, I could have maxed out higher but I forgot that was the objective. I saw 7 and I did 7. It wasn't until later in the evening that it occurred to me.